Turnin Kaikai Eats a Shoe Live On Steam

You are TURNIN KAIKAI. Minor band member turned MAJOR INTERWEBS CELEBRITY, and you wouldn't have it any other way. Today you were scheduled to stream for your ravenous fans on PARALLAXIS, who hadn't seen you on for half a wice. You were busy meeting up with your MATESPRIT on those days, and you two have barely gotten any irl time together ever since he moved to the FREAKING MOON. Sighs.

You pushed that all aside, though, and focused at the task at hand: making your fans happy

You turned on the stream and your starting screen started playing: trolls who were idly chatting while you were gone immediately pop up to say hello, and more pile in by the hundreds. What can you say, word travels fast that a TURNDOWN stream is starting.

You've got a good 10k trolls watching by the time you turn off your starting screen.

Most of chat seemed to know exactly what you were talking about, being avid fans of both of your channels of course, but there was a small percentage that had no idea what you were alluding to. They'd find out immediately, though, as you pulled something out of a bag.

Chat goes wild- it's moving too fast for your eyes to pick up on most of it, but you do get a glimpse of "YE⛧H LETS GOOOOOO" and "o o oh my god theyre d doing it".

You take the shoe and show it to chat- this is high-priced stuff (you're dedicated for the fans, of course). It's in your colors, with flame decals and everything. You like to stay on-brand with everything you do, even if that means you will be devouring whatever beautiful thing you have. Food, non-food, it's all beautiful but it's even better being used as a prop for your followers. There's a few stray chat messages about how much it must have cost, or that they'd do anything to own a shoe like that, but the vast majority of chat is egging you on to eat! that! shoe! And who are you to say no to your fans?

You take the shoe and examine it, wondering where you'll bite into it first. The first bite is always the most important one

You decide you'll bite the collar first, like Jerma did in his stunt. Though, he didn't even get halfway through the shoe, and you'll be going much further. He got pretty far for eating a comedy shoe with a non-Turnin stomach, and you have to commend him for that. Him putting it ‘back’ on was really funny too. Ah, Jerma, the master of comedy.

You take your first bite- your sharp teeth easily pierce the nylon as you start to chew. Chat goes a million miles an hour, suggesting places to aim for next.

You start a poll in chat to determine what area of the shoe will be your next victim as you're still chewing. You take another bite on the opposite side of the collar before the poll concludes- not the tastiest thing you've eaten, but sure beats 6 glasses of acid in 3 minutes (which you’re planning on topping anyways). You've eaten plenty of inedible things before, things that could kill a regular troll, though you're no regular troll.

A fondant shoe still sounds good right about now, though.

The poll finally ends; Your next target is the toe cap. Seems your viewers want to follow in your best friend's footsteps. You jokingly wonder if they're going to make you put it on your foot next.

You rend the top of the shoe, digging your teeth into the leather. You get farther and farther into the cap until your tongue is inside the inner lining. You're suddenly happy no one has ever worn this shoe before, both for your sake and for the sanctity of your chat.

A particular message catches your (and everyone's) eye: "{At least have something to wash this down with, Turnin}". Chat explodes with endless variations of "Racren!!!". You're just glad he could make it to the stream after taking so much time off work (though you say corporate should have let him have more leave). His message does give you an idea, though.

You left the view of the camera to go into your kitchen and procure three 2-liter sodas and a very special ingredient- RAGING OMENBEAST 5 STAR HOTSAUCE. The "stars'' on the label are upside-down pentagrams, which leaves nothing to the imagination on what kind of sauce this is. Not to mention the fearsome picture of an omenbeast on it. God, if those were real you'd be the first to ride one.

You put the sodas to the side and show off the sauce; chat is loving it, but you can make out from the chaos a lone "{This isn't what I meant}". Your partner was always so worried about you, wasn't he? But you've always been (mostly) fine in the past! And you always will be. You're unstoppable!

You choose a random spot on the shoe to bite into, and lather it with hot sauce. Even just being within the vicinity of the condiment made your nosehairs stand on end and your tongue start to heat up. Well, there was no going back now! You took a bite.

It was excruciating. Your tongue felt like it was going to burn off. The packaging didn't lie about this being 5 pentagrams! You chewed—chat demanded "more!”, and who were you but a people pleaser? As you swallowed the rest of the shoe, you poured some hot sauce down your throat. Bad idea. Really really bad idea. Your throat was a skulltitan graveyard right now, and things weren't about to get any better. The hot sauce and the acid in your stomach have some sort of reaction, and it's not looking pretty for you. Your stomach feels hot and bloated and you start to sweat. Is this the final dare? Was Racren right to worry about you so often? Were you NOT invincible after all?

That was PROBABLY the most painful burp you have ever experienced. Your entire mouth was on fire, and apparently so was whatever gas that came out of you- the shoe you were eating was up in flames. There were kaichamps all over chat, and you grinned through the pain and did a thumbs up. You weren't about to suffer like this forever, though, and grabbed a soda and chugged it down. Relief. Finishing one bottle quickly, you went for another one; you drank it about halfway before using the rest to put the shoe out. It was a charred mess now, less exciting to eat but a fun crunchy finish to the stream. Chat still wasn't over the fire-burp by the time you finished the shoe for good.

Of course you were invincible! You were TURNIN KAIKAI! Something like hot sauce couldn't defeat you, though you'd need to break it out more often if you wanted to get used to the everything-is-burning sensation.

Chat says their goodbyes as you press the offline button on your streaming setup, content with the day's work. Curiously, you got a Skorpe message on your cell phone from Racren almost immediately after.